We moved!!!!!!
Just last Thursday, Nate and I moved into our first apartment. It's little, cute and slightly cramped but I love it. I love being in my own home. I love that our landlady let us paint. I love that I can put up our artwork. I can host parties and have people over. I can make dinner for just the two of us. I can even clean my own home!! Who knew you could be excited about that?
The best part of this whole thing - we aren't in South Carolina.
Nope.
We moved to Winona Lake.
Yep.
Winona Lake. It felt like coming home when we were driving up. Even though those cornfields are still as flat as can be, it still felt right coming here. My friends are here. Good memories are here. Winter will be awful I'm sure, but this is still the best place to be.
The crazy part is that this switch happened in less than a week. It took one day of talking the subject over to change the listings we were looking in, another two days to find the perfect situation for us and another two days for our application to be accepted. Our new direction seemed to be fairly obvious as we had just spent a month looking in the Carolinas and hadn't managed to find a thing.
So here we are. Moving in. Working to make everything fit. Enjoying being with the wonderful people here. Living.
It's good.
We're home.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Nesting
That's what they call it when a new mom is waiting to give birth. She gets the nursery ready, reads all of the books, takes the classes and talks to everyone she can to get ready for her new arrival.
What do you call it when you desperately want a home? How do you get ready? How do you prepare when you find yourself in limbo?
We have no home and few options. A good one just came through today and I hope the follow-up works out. The last few weeks have been discouraging. Lots of looking and calling and making lists but nothing seems to pan out.
The end of this particular tunnel may be coming into view but it's still fuzzy and far-off. I have a pile of belongings sitting in Western Pennsylvania just waiting. Just sitting. Gathering dust. All of those presents are states away from where they should be.
I just want to set up my home. That's all.
What do you call it when you desperately want a home? How do you get ready? How do you prepare when you find yourself in limbo?
We have no home and few options. A good one just came through today and I hope the follow-up works out. The last few weeks have been discouraging. Lots of looking and calling and making lists but nothing seems to pan out.
The end of this particular tunnel may be coming into view but it's still fuzzy and far-off. I have a pile of belongings sitting in Western Pennsylvania just waiting. Just sitting. Gathering dust. All of those presents are states away from where they should be.
I just want to set up my home. That's all.
Monday, August 25, 2008
The Real Update
I feel like I've been gone from here forever. Some silly part of me actually thought I would be able to update during MasterWorks much more frequently.
Right
Another silly part of me thought I would be able to jot a few notes out here before the wedding. You know, just some small thoughts on my last days as a single woman and all that it would mean.
Right
I even thought I might do some updating on the honeymoon.
Right
So here I am. It's been weeks since I last posted. So much has happened. My life has completely changed!! I am a married woman. I have a husband (I like him a lot!). I have packed up all of my earthly belongings into bags and boxes and left the majority of that in a pile at the Cooke Homestead. I sit at a friends computer in Wisconsin and realize that I am currently wandering with no home to go to.
It's an amazing feeling actually. We have no ties to anywhere. Money will become a problem at some point but we could travel for quite some time and be ok. I think I like it this way. Especially since we have two more stops to make along the way. Friends are getting married this Saturday and then we'll head to Washington DC to visit family. I'm really looking forward to that part of the trip. It's been quite awhile since I've been there and I love that city. There's so much to do!
And now to fill in a few details of the past months.................
MasterWorks was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had and certainly the hardest to date. Most days were very difficult and I went through several crying jags. Mostly, I felt sorry for Nate. He had never seen me like that and was the one to take the brunt of nearly all of my emotions. Boy were they all over the place. It was not unusal to go from euphorically happy to clinically depressed in the space of a minute. By all accounts though, the Festival was a success. People were constantly commenting on how well things were going. I always knew how badly something had actually gone but it was nice to hear otherwise. We presented a good face - I could never ask for a better crew. They are the reason I made it to my wedding.
The reason I made it through the wedding itself was - the amazing Sarah!!! Nate's sister saved our lives. I was doing well with the details and things were pulling together. The puzzle was basically falling together and I liked what I saw. Honestly, I could barely believe how calm I was about things. Stressed, yes. But somehow ................ calm. I have no idea how that was working. It's a good thing we had Sarah though. She sent us the longest to-do list I have ever laid eyes on with details we just hadn't thought of. Nate and I worked on it a bit and sent it back. She proceeded to show up at the Homestead with an even longer edition of that list! I didn't think it possible. That list made the weekend happen. The "important" people had folders and written out duties, the kids ran around like crazy helping us, and everyone that set foot in the house was more than willing to voluteer another pair of hands. I saw Uncle Mike pulling roses apart for after the reception.
I think that was the most amazing part of the whole experience. Those people were there for us. They wanted to be there. They wanted to celebrate with us.
They loved us. They still do.
No matter how many times we stepped on their hearts over the years, they still came. Family and friends both. Even looking back on it all, I can still barely grasp it. They came to the rehearsal, the dinner, the whole ceremony and reception. They truly wanted to be there.
I looked over the crowd at the rehearsal dinner at one point and noticed the groups of people that were mingled together. Granted, they were sitting in little clumps with those that they knew but we had so many different parts of our lives in one room - MasterWorks, two families, school, old friends and a pastor. It's almost a joke. I doubt those lives will ever collide quite like that ever again. I never would have suspected that we had impacted that many lives.
The ceremony and reception were ever stranger with the amount of different people there. I noticed the MasterWorks people and Geneva people had chosen tables directly next to each other. Very strange!
That day was so wonderful. The house of girls started getting ready at 7:30. With the amount of people we had there, we had to start showers that early. For all that we had to do, it was fairly leisurely. We popped in a movie (Saved - hehe), had some brunch, did hair and makeup and got dressed. The dressing part was almost a problem as we started running out of time then. But we all finished up and piled into cars only 20 minutes after we wanted to originally. We took some pictures at Harbison Chapel at Grove City College. It was absolutely beautiful - I can't wait to see what Caryn captured.
Then off to the church to wait. I had a lot of fun sneaking in even though it turned out that I didn't need to. It seemed like a long wait especially since I wasn't upstairs helping. That may have been the strangest part. I wasn't managing a thing, someone else was. The biggest day of my life so far and I wasn't in charge. I'd say that's a good thing!
Very suddenly, it was time to go. And it was really time to go. We got to the top of the stairs and Stephanie had to start walking. There was no time for quick fixes. My brothers pulled the runner down, closed the door and I got into place. It was perfectly timed - I used a song from "Pride and Prejudice" and the doors opened right on the swell. I actually did direct that. And then I was all but pulling my father down the aisle. I hope it looked ok. I didn't look anywhere else but Nathanael and I was smiling so big, I could barely see him. Silly squinty eyes.
The whole thing took 45 minutes but it went so fast. It seemed like only a few minutes before the music came on again and I was once again running down the aisle. I almost tripped that time. As I got to the back of the church, I realized I was shaking - not thinking well, not seeing very well and smiling enough to break my face.
A few pictures at the church, a few more at Harbison, the quickest four hour reception and a blur of faces later, we were leaving. We ran through a shower (a few downpours) of rose petals and then we were on the road. Our car was decorated with glass chalk, some pop cans and a length of plaid material. The sun was setting, it rained a bit and it was all perfect. We drove away as man and wife. That was all that mattered anyway. And it had happened.
So here I sit. A tiny computer in a friends appartment, miles away from my home state. An open window to let in beautifully cool breezes. An evening of fun exploring ahead of us. And a husband only a few inches away. A husband. Perfect.
Right
Another silly part of me thought I would be able to jot a few notes out here before the wedding. You know, just some small thoughts on my last days as a single woman and all that it would mean.
Right
I even thought I might do some updating on the honeymoon.
Right
So here I am. It's been weeks since I last posted. So much has happened. My life has completely changed!! I am a married woman. I have a husband (I like him a lot!). I have packed up all of my earthly belongings into bags and boxes and left the majority of that in a pile at the Cooke Homestead. I sit at a friends computer in Wisconsin and realize that I am currently wandering with no home to go to.
It's an amazing feeling actually. We have no ties to anywhere. Money will become a problem at some point but we could travel for quite some time and be ok. I think I like it this way. Especially since we have two more stops to make along the way. Friends are getting married this Saturday and then we'll head to Washington DC to visit family. I'm really looking forward to that part of the trip. It's been quite awhile since I've been there and I love that city. There's so much to do!
And now to fill in a few details of the past months.................
MasterWorks was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had and certainly the hardest to date. Most days were very difficult and I went through several crying jags. Mostly, I felt sorry for Nate. He had never seen me like that and was the one to take the brunt of nearly all of my emotions. Boy were they all over the place. It was not unusal to go from euphorically happy to clinically depressed in the space of a minute. By all accounts though, the Festival was a success. People were constantly commenting on how well things were going. I always knew how badly something had actually gone but it was nice to hear otherwise. We presented a good face - I could never ask for a better crew. They are the reason I made it to my wedding.
The reason I made it through the wedding itself was - the amazing Sarah!!! Nate's sister saved our lives. I was doing well with the details and things were pulling together. The puzzle was basically falling together and I liked what I saw. Honestly, I could barely believe how calm I was about things. Stressed, yes. But somehow ................ calm. I have no idea how that was working. It's a good thing we had Sarah though. She sent us the longest to-do list I have ever laid eyes on with details we just hadn't thought of. Nate and I worked on it a bit and sent it back. She proceeded to show up at the Homestead with an even longer edition of that list! I didn't think it possible. That list made the weekend happen. The "important" people had folders and written out duties, the kids ran around like crazy helping us, and everyone that set foot in the house was more than willing to voluteer another pair of hands. I saw Uncle Mike pulling roses apart for after the reception.
I think that was the most amazing part of the whole experience. Those people were there for us. They wanted to be there. They wanted to celebrate with us.
They loved us. They still do.
No matter how many times we stepped on their hearts over the years, they still came. Family and friends both. Even looking back on it all, I can still barely grasp it. They came to the rehearsal, the dinner, the whole ceremony and reception. They truly wanted to be there.
I looked over the crowd at the rehearsal dinner at one point and noticed the groups of people that were mingled together. Granted, they were sitting in little clumps with those that they knew but we had so many different parts of our lives in one room - MasterWorks, two families, school, old friends and a pastor. It's almost a joke. I doubt those lives will ever collide quite like that ever again. I never would have suspected that we had impacted that many lives.
The ceremony and reception were ever stranger with the amount of different people there. I noticed the MasterWorks people and Geneva people had chosen tables directly next to each other. Very strange!
That day was so wonderful. The house of girls started getting ready at 7:30. With the amount of people we had there, we had to start showers that early. For all that we had to do, it was fairly leisurely. We popped in a movie (Saved - hehe), had some brunch, did hair and makeup and got dressed. The dressing part was almost a problem as we started running out of time then. But we all finished up and piled into cars only 20 minutes after we wanted to originally. We took some pictures at Harbison Chapel at Grove City College. It was absolutely beautiful - I can't wait to see what Caryn captured.
Then off to the church to wait. I had a lot of fun sneaking in even though it turned out that I didn't need to. It seemed like a long wait especially since I wasn't upstairs helping. That may have been the strangest part. I wasn't managing a thing, someone else was. The biggest day of my life so far and I wasn't in charge. I'd say that's a good thing!
Very suddenly, it was time to go. And it was really time to go. We got to the top of the stairs and Stephanie had to start walking. There was no time for quick fixes. My brothers pulled the runner down, closed the door and I got into place. It was perfectly timed - I used a song from "Pride and Prejudice" and the doors opened right on the swell. I actually did direct that. And then I was all but pulling my father down the aisle. I hope it looked ok. I didn't look anywhere else but Nathanael and I was smiling so big, I could barely see him. Silly squinty eyes.
The whole thing took 45 minutes but it went so fast. It seemed like only a few minutes before the music came on again and I was once again running down the aisle. I almost tripped that time. As I got to the back of the church, I realized I was shaking - not thinking well, not seeing very well and smiling enough to break my face.
A few pictures at the church, a few more at Harbison, the quickest four hour reception and a blur of faces later, we were leaving. We ran through a shower (a few downpours) of rose petals and then we were on the road. Our car was decorated with glass chalk, some pop cans and a length of plaid material. The sun was setting, it rained a bit and it was all perfect. We drove away as man and wife. That was all that mattered anyway. And it had happened.
So here I sit. A tiny computer in a friends appartment, miles away from my home state. An open window to let in beautifully cool breezes. An evening of fun exploring ahead of us. And a husband only a few inches away. A husband. Perfect.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Things I've Learned...
...while planning a wedding....
*Set a limit for your parents on how many people they can invite - otherwise your friends don't get to come.
*Expect to have your plans thwarted, especially when it comes to the color scheme.
*Find the sheet music to any song you ever liked the minute you decide you like it.
*Have an excellent CD collection or start working on your songs the minute after you get engaged.
*Keep it simple stupid (KISS)
*You WILL fight with your mother - it will not be pleasant
*Ever have a thought about your wedding? Write it down!! Then you can actually go back and prove what you were thinking even if it's just you that needs convincing.
*Start concrete planning with your fiancee two minutes after you get engaged, especially if you live farther apart.
...and seriously....
*I now know that Nathanael and I can weather just about anything
*Kisses can solve just about anything
*Set a limit for your parents on how many people they can invite - otherwise your friends don't get to come.
*Expect to have your plans thwarted, especially when it comes to the color scheme.
*Find the sheet music to any song you ever liked the minute you decide you like it.
*Have an excellent CD collection or start working on your songs the minute after you get engaged.
*Keep it simple stupid (KISS)
*You WILL fight with your mother - it will not be pleasant
*Ever have a thought about your wedding? Write it down!! Then you can actually go back and prove what you were thinking even if it's just you that needs convincing.
*Start concrete planning with your fiancee two minutes after you get engaged, especially if you live farther apart.
...and seriously....
*I now know that Nathanael and I can weather just about anything
*Kisses can solve just about anything
Monday, June 30, 2008
Quiet Reflections from a Troubled Soul
This particular evening was quite beautiful - a slowly setting sun cast noticeably golden rays that darkened to a burnt orange, the light blue sky was sprinkled with a select few clouds, and a light wind made me happy to be wearing a jacket. To make it all the better, my Nathanael was with me. My fiance, the man who loves me, the man I love, the man I will soon be able to call "husband." I've never yet been so happy to have him near me.
The past month can be appropriately labeled as "insane." I have become engaged, moved several times, accepted a job as Production Manager, started planning a wedding and am now running this festival. I was holding together and accomplishing much. I was generally enjoying it as well. What was there that was not to love? I was (and still am) to be married and I would be (and still am) receiving a significantly higher paycheck than I had expected. Then we came to this weekend.
The past 48 hours can be appropriately labeled as "horrible."
I never realized how many things can accumulate on one pair of shoulders. My crew is incredible this year and any of them will take on a task to keep it from becoming my problem. The shoulder space for me to lean upon is vast and sturdy, yet I find myself constantly thinking, planning and waiting for the next project or disaster. I never realized how tiring thinking could be. I am exhausted. I am constantly tense. I am afraid it will start to spill over onto those shoulders that I rely so much on. I am terrified of wetting those shoulders with the tears that come from my eyes. Who knew so many tears could be lurking behind two small eyes?
Psalm 30:5 - ".....weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." How long will my night be? I ask for peace and calmness often - how do I make my heart feel them?
This night is calm. The work load for me is light and most of the crew has gone to bed. Only a few remain awake, several of them here singing hymns as I type. I will probably be in bed soon unless my wonderful fiance keeps me up. (Not at all a bad thing since our time together has been cruelly limited these days.)
Still, I find my heart racing as I sit, my thoughts ready to swirl without me letting them, my mother just a phone call away, and the weekend looming ahead of me. The calm only lasts for so long.
The past month can be appropriately labeled as "insane." I have become engaged, moved several times, accepted a job as Production Manager, started planning a wedding and am now running this festival. I was holding together and accomplishing much. I was generally enjoying it as well. What was there that was not to love? I was (and still am) to be married and I would be (and still am) receiving a significantly higher paycheck than I had expected. Then we came to this weekend.
The past 48 hours can be appropriately labeled as "horrible."
I never realized how many things can accumulate on one pair of shoulders. My crew is incredible this year and any of them will take on a task to keep it from becoming my problem. The shoulder space for me to lean upon is vast and sturdy, yet I find myself constantly thinking, planning and waiting for the next project or disaster. I never realized how tiring thinking could be. I am exhausted. I am constantly tense. I am afraid it will start to spill over onto those shoulders that I rely so much on. I am terrified of wetting those shoulders with the tears that come from my eyes. Who knew so many tears could be lurking behind two small eyes?
Psalm 30:5 - ".....weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." How long will my night be? I ask for peace and calmness often - how do I make my heart feel them?
This night is calm. The work load for me is light and most of the crew has gone to bed. Only a few remain awake, several of them here singing hymns as I type. I will probably be in bed soon unless my wonderful fiance keeps me up. (Not at all a bad thing since our time together has been cruelly limited these days.)
Still, I find my heart racing as I sit, my thoughts ready to swirl without me letting them, my mother just a phone call away, and the weekend looming ahead of me. The calm only lasts for so long.
Friday, May 23, 2008
The Morning Unlike Any Other
It didn't start out that way - it was quite ordinary really. The guys were up in the attic bashing about and continuing in the deconstruction of our house. I argued with the alarm a few times and then decided to get up and head to the gym one last time. Nothing new. There were a couple of new faces in the gym but I figured that was about as exciting as it was going to get. I walked out of that door an hour later and headed home.
That's when things got interesting.
I was just walking along, listening to one of my fun songs, minding my own business, and carrying a shoe in each hand. I hate carrying them both in one hand. It just isn't comfortable. Anyway, I get most of the way back when I suddenly hear running behind me. My first thought is that it's some ambitious runner uncomfortable with the lab-rat feel of a work-out room. Can't really say that I blame them. But then there is a flurry of activity about me and my thoughts start racing.....
Move out of the way before you get hit
They slowed down - weird
Someone's touching me
I'm being mugged!!!!!
What do I do????
Arms are around me!!
Augh!!
Wait......
Steph??
Why is she attacking me?
Weirdo
Wait.............
I know that shirt
I know that foot!!!!!!!
"No way........ No way, no way, no way!!!!"
My Nathanael was holding me. A whole day early. So much earlier than I had ever suspected. He was there. With me. Holding me.
That's when things got interesting.
I was just walking along, listening to one of my fun songs, minding my own business, and carrying a shoe in each hand. I hate carrying them both in one hand. It just isn't comfortable. Anyway, I get most of the way back when I suddenly hear running behind me. My first thought is that it's some ambitious runner uncomfortable with the lab-rat feel of a work-out room. Can't really say that I blame them. But then there is a flurry of activity about me and my thoughts start racing.....
Move out of the way before you get hit
They slowed down - weird
Someone's touching me
I'm being mugged!!!!!
What do I do????
Arms are around me!!
Augh!!
Wait......
Steph??
Why is she attacking me?
Weirdo
Wait.............
I know that shirt
I know that foot!!!!!!!
"No way........ No way, no way, no way!!!!"
My Nathanael was holding me. A whole day early. So much earlier than I had ever suspected. He was there. With me. Holding me.
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