Notes on the Ties that Bind

Our year here is coming to a close - how very strange. After having finished college and remembering the swiftness of those years, I was expecting this time to speed by as well.

Sometimes it did, sometimes it didn't.

So many things happened here. So many good things and so many bad things, all of them relational. Leaving these people will be sad. Leaving some of the memories will be good.

How can people have such a strong effect on you? How can a call from home make or break your day? How can one person disrupt the lives of so many? I know the basic answer of course - we are relational people, designed for interaction and feeling. But that really doesn't tell me how.

Nearly every person in this office has had trouble with family this year. One plows through problem after problem - a father with cancer, a brother causing discord at home, siblings getting lost in the shuffle and finally, a divorce. Another friend constantly deals with an overly worried mother, one finds her parents suddenly having extreme financial problems, and yet another gets a call that her aunt is dying of cancer. Sickness and pain have strained every bond that we hold outside of this office. Me? I still have a nephew at home and a brother that doesn't know how to handle his life. Each and every one of us has called home only to hang up depressed.

The office hasn't exactly been a safe haven though. With one co-worker and a supervisor leaving suddenly, several months found us bating our breath and waiting for the next blow to come. I found myself relieved every time we left a meeting with the rest of the staff still intact. My nightly phone calls were spent trying to keep me together more than anything else. Most of the girls have been plagued by bad dreams and to-do lists that extend out the door.

Yet somehow, amidst the anger and fear, we've grown close. Somehow, it didn't drive us apart. Our families may be hanging on by threads some days but this place is still good. My own future is perhaps simultaneously more certain and more uncertain than it has ever been. I have no idea where I will be this fall - options yes, good ideas no.

I think these ties will remain. Through it all, we've had long talks, lots of chocolate, nights out and nights in, tasty drinks and dinners. No one was allowed to hide away and keep pain inside. Almost no one anyway. For all of the points that were taken off of the board this year, I think we will still come away with a positive number. I know I will. I've dealt with more this year than any other. I've lived away from home and away from a dorm. I've worked a job that I don't particularly like.

Best though? I have my Nathanael. That alone is more than enough for me.

I still haven't figured out how people can affect each other to the extent that they do, but I do know that I wouldn't have it any other way. Even if one person takes you down, a friend can bring you back up that same day. Just the way it should be.